When I first set foot in New York City, I carried with me both the furniture shipped from the Netherlands and my preconceptions and cultural expectations. As a pale-skinned person, my decision to rent a three-bedroom apartment in Washington Heights would prove to be an eye-opening experience that challenged my perceptions and the way I looked at others.
The day I visited the apartment complex in Wahington Heights, Manhattan, was shrouded in rain. The streets were quiet, and the atmosphere subdued. Little did I know that this initial impression was merely a prelude to a community unlike any other.
It wasn’t until the day I paid my rent and deposit, key in hand, that I truly saw Washington Heights in all its glory. With the sun, the true spirit of Washington Heights came to life. The streets were alive with activity—people, all dark-colored, gathered for barbecues in the streets, listening to loud music. My skin color, which I had rarely given much thought to before, suddenly turned into a beacon radiating my difference.
The realization that I had unknowingly moved to a part of Harlem came as a secondary shock. Influenced by older American films, images of danger and unrest immediately appeared in my mind.
Despite my initial reservations, I soon discovered that my fears were unfounded. My neighbors, without exception, showed me nothing but kindness, quite the opposite of how Americans are depicted in movies. Once, on my way out, a group of young people apologized for smoking marijuana in the building. I told them they needn’t worry and that I was moving from a country where it was legal to smoke it.
One particular incident pops up when I think about living in the neighborhood. A neighbor approached me one day as I was checking my mail, visibly upset. He confronted me about not returning his greeting the previous evening when we had crossed paths. At that moment, I realized that what I would perceive as a non-event, if I remembered it at all, had been interpreted as a deliberate slight, possibly even a racist gesture.
I responded with honesty and humility, explaining that I had been returning from a bar and had no recollection of the encounter. My genuine apology and willingness to engage in dialogue diffused the tension immediately. What began as a confrontation grew into a friendly conversation, and from that day forward, we had a cool neighborly relationship. His apartment was right across mine, and he even offered to collect my deliveries when I was not at home, a gesture that I much appreciated.
This experience led me to a profound realization and a challenging question: Would I have been as anxious when my neighbor came at me if he had been white? The honest answer is probably not. This acknowledgment, however uncomfortable it may be, highlights the unconscious biases we all carry—biases that, in many ways, remain from our evolutionary past.
Throughout human history, the ability to quickly identify and be wary of those who looked differently from one’s own group was often a survival mechanism. Back then, encounters with unfamiliar tribes could spell danger; hence the instinct was purposeful. However, in our modern, interconnected world, these same instincts can be divisive and lead to prejudices that hinder rather than help us.
We must recognize that the emergence of such feelings, which eventually lay the grounds for racism and xenophobia, is a natural human tendency, which is not an excuse for racist or xenophobic behavior but rather a starting point for personal healing and societal change. Instead of demonizing people who experience these feelings, we can help individuals address the issue by acknowledging and explaining them.
The Takeaway
My Harlem experience shows that our preconceptions often bear little resemblance to reality and how vital it is to approach new situations and people with an open mind and a willingness to learn.
You may not always control your feelings. However, understanding the root cause of those feelings and what you do with them is up to you.
#DiversityMatters, #CulturalAwakening, #UrbanStories
